On this Easter Sunday a very long time ago, a man did a great feat. He overcame not just death but everything of this world. All his haters, all his followers, and even all his friends didn’t know what he had in store for them. That very same resurrection that overcame lives in us. I’m asking for your prayers on this Easter Sunday as my pops lies in ICU. We can overcome as a people and we can overcome because Christ lives in us. I’m asking for the hope beyond hope which was seen on the cross and gives us life today.
I finally got a chance to sit down and do finances for my parents. All I can say is how the heck are we living? My mom has about $30 bucks leftover every month after her disability check. My pops has about $120 after all bills. How the heck am I living so well? It makes no sense at all. It’s time to reevaluate a lot of things.
It’s pretty crazy how much I’ve become so in tune with my emotions and the world around me these past few years. It seems like almost everyday I start reminiscing about these college days and how I’ll miss it. I appreciate the time it has allowed me to come into my own skin. (Yeah, I’m personifying college and if I could give it a big high 5 I would.) I know I still have a bit of time, but the feeling of inevitable change is something you can’t just run from. Change is always good, but it’s the worst feeling when it breaks something that feels like it shouldn’t be broken. But that’s life. From struggle comes triumph and that’s what i’m all about.
Recently, I had one of my buddies pass away in a car wreck. He was a solid guy, always smiling and just an overall swell dude. When I found out, I was torn with emotion. It’s just one of those things where your heart and mind just go back and forth. I was to be sad for the brother and the family. I mean the guy just passed away, but there was some deeper emotion within me that really had a sense of sorrow.
So for a little while I was struggling with the idea of heaven and hell. YEAHHHHH I know it’s the most basic of things, and I don’t want to sound like a noob, but in reality, there is not a lot said about heaven and hell in the Bible. I read a bit of Love wins and a bit of erasing hell (look up both books if you wish) and I still couldn’t come out with a solid conclusion. I truly believe in God’s Love. I just can’t figure out the process of how we as man justified who exactly gets in to heaven or not. Even the idea of what exactly heaven and hell is. I could basically go on forever about this, but it’s just the fact of there is so much we truly do not know about this idea and we go around condemning people or saving they’re “saved.” How do we truly know this 100% though? I guess it’s a faith factor but for me I want to be sure of something 110% before passing on the information to other people. The idea of heaven being a place where all this awesome stuff happens would be ideal, but I’m pretty sure no one I personally knew has been there to tell me exactly what it is. For all we know it could just be more of the same as this place. Just saying, keep your mind open because there is truly not a lot we know about heaven and hell. If I’m wrong please correct me and if i’m not, I’ll find out what it is one day.
Anyway, so it hit me. I knew he wasn’t in this “saved” category. Did that mean he was in hell?
Boom. My mind is now in shambles. These feelings have never bothered me before until it happened to someone I knew. My relationship with the Lord has grown, but I’m confused to what it means to bring it on to others. Do I go around “saving” people? I try to share the love and joy unto everyone, but is a speaking a few words of a prayer sufficient for an eternal salvation? I know it’s not that simple so what is even the point of me in this bigger picture? I know I must let God be God but was I the guy who could have made that difference? I don’t want to make this whole Christianity thing about heaven and hell but how do you give an honest sense of comfort to a grieving family that does not believe in Christ? Can you really just go up to them and say, “Your son is in hell.” We can say God can do whatever he wants, but if we act on what we preach, the reality is that hell is for the nonbelievers. I can’t say it’s fair. I can’t say it makes sense. I can’t even say that statement is the 100% true. But I can say is that this is what is preached in the majority of churches out there.
So the only thing I can conclude from this event is this: Seek the truth and share what you learn with others. To everyone who has lost someone, I pray for peace to enter your hearts. Try your best to spread the love onto others and let God do the rest.
My mind is in a million different places right now. I hope I make a little sense.
It’s a funny time. Either you’re a asleep or having too much fun. There’s hardly an in-between. But for this moment prayer is on my heart. Kinda weird honestly. If you know me, you’d know I’m not the most religious guy. I just do what I can. All I’m saying is this, don’t sleep on prayer LITERALLY because it is the only thing that gives us hope in this crazy world. Whatever is on your heart speak it or if nothing is on your heart find it. Search and ask. You’ll find your way eventually and if you didn’t you probably really did just be patient.
I could leave you with an inspirational verse but mehhh it’s all good. Just listen to what God is telling you. That should be your inspiration. More than anything just see God for who he is.
I’ve been tutoring/mentoring this kid at the learning center for about two years now. His name is Cora and he is In the 8th grade. We come from different backgrounds. He’s black and comes from the hood and me, well I’m me. I’m an Asian kid who grew up in the suburbs and had dreams of being too cool. Ideally, I probably am not the best fit for this kid. I mean we come from different backgrounds but I make it work. Let’s be serious, I’ve never seen an Asian kid at a community learning center especially a free one filled with a bunch of random volunteers. Male volunteers are scarce too. It’s just something I kinda got into and somehow kept it going but honestly, I believe in this program and the difference it plays in these kids lives.
Anyway so today I was tutoring and I was chatting with Cora. It always goes from sports to music to shoes. He wanted some red Griffey trainers and I asked him how he was gonna pay for it. He goes “shhhhh don’t tell but I’m selling weed.” I was like uhhhhhh but I really wasn’t surprised. If you saw the neighborhood he came from then it’d make sense. He doesn’t have a father figure in his life either. It’s just pretty crazy how I find myself in these situations. What am I supposed to do? He trusts me enough to tell me this stuff and honestly he just does it for the money. I just hope he stays out of trouble.
My dad is 51 today. It’s crazy thinking about the days when he was “super dad.” I swear he could do anything. I remember those days fishing at the lake and coaching me in soccer. Even days taking me to school. I was my Dads best friend for sure.
I haven’t been home for a while, but yesterday I came home and took my parents to the park. I never really sat down and really wondered about the well-being of my parents until my college years. I guess one day you just realize that your parents struggle just as much as you do. Anyway, I took time to actually look in the eyes of my parents and realized that, well they’re old now. There’s no other way to put it but seeing the aging and intensity in my dad’s face made me realize how tough a life he had. He came over to a new country with nothing. He had no parents. He had been though a war and escaped genocide. It’s crazy right? Then he taught himself English as well as many other people. My dad was the first one out of my relatives to learn English and get his HS diploma. Eventually my dad took us out of the “hood” and into the suburbs. It really was his dream house. He worked two full time jobs for quite a while after my mom couldn’t work anymore. My dad was gone 7 days a week working as a machine operator on an assembly line and my mom worked as a sewer for duffle bags and other stuff. Honestly my parents were never home. My three older siblings raised me or we kinda raised ourselves. Those three were all born a year apart then I was born 3 years after the second youngest. I kinda grew up by myself. I remember days sitting upstairs with my own TV playing games by myself. I was so spoiled too. I got everything I wanted. Anyway, everything changed once my dad got laid off. We sold our house and moved into a tiny apartment. I know this killed my parents. All they wanted to do was provide for us and circumstances really didn’t help that.
BTW all this above happened in OHIO.
I know I’m not the best writer. My bad ;P
Anyway my dad gets a job down here in NC and everything looks a little better. I had to move once again and say bye to more friends. At this time I’m in middle school. New place, new school, but I make do. My pops is working as a machine operator and my mom is working at a Chinese place. All of a sudden my dad starts acting weird. He has a limp to his walk. He just brushes it off but he gets it checked out and we find out he got a stroke. Yes, he had a light stroke and became partially paralyzed on his left side. I was like huhhh??? And he was still working at this time. The problem was that his physical limitations caused his production to go down and he was also eventually laid off. So we lived off of all the retirement money we had. The money from the house was all gone and we were currently in court fighting for disability income. Thankfully we won cases for both my parents to get disability but this started a series of medical illness that we are still going though today.
Long story short my mom has diabetes, which led to kidney failure, which led to a transplant.
My pops had a stroke and is now in the latter stages of parkinsons disease.
I can never know what my dads eyes has truly seen, but I know it takes a real man with a strong heart to make it through all this.
Here’s to you pops. I hope I can make you proud one day.
“because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. remembering that you are going to die is the best way i know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. you are already naked. there is no reason not to follow your heart.”—Steve Jobs (via frankocean)